Busy Feels Different When It’s Yours

I’ve been really busy lately. The kind of busy that keeps you moving from the moment you wake up until you finally crash into bed. But this busy feels different.

When I worked in corporate life, there was no breathing room. Everything felt boxed in, predetermined before I even had the chance to try. No matter how much I poured in, I was just another cog—unseen, unrecognized, replaceable.

Now, with ACI and my own studio, I finally have space to breathe. I can make what I want to make, in whatever medium calls to me that day. Sometimes that freedom comes with decision paralysis~ when the options are limitless, what do you focus on first? But at the end of the day, I create for myself. I create and lay foundation work for people I care about and want to uplift. And if a piece finds a home with someone who resonates with it, that’s all I could ask for. There’s a joy in knowing there’s (almost) no ceiling on what I can do.

The difference shows up on the hard days, too. Just recently, I ran on three hours of segmented sleep. The dogs had issues, deadlines piled up, and I had to reshoot cooking work for a project under the Lee Hansheng Studios brand (this still feels surreal to even say that~ me, a brand?). On top of that came the ACI admin load: content planning, video editing, coursework, and images. It turned into a 14-hour day.

But here’s the thing~ I ended that day exhausted but happy. It felt more like finishing a tough workout than crawling out of a battle. That kind of exhaustion hits differently when it’s in service of something you actually believe in.

The little things tie it all together, too. Seiya and Kaimo racing around the yard while Chris and I tend the garden. Cooking dinner while juggling emails, because when you own your own business, you learn to flip between the two seamlessly. It’s not easy, but it’s strangely healthier now~ because all of those moments are stitched into a life I want, not one I’m stuck in.

If someone asked me point-blank, “Why do you keep pushing?” the answer is simple: because I believe in what I’m building and working toward. Somewhere along the way, my motto became:

“I’m trying to light constellations, not matches.”

Because I’m not here for something that burns bright and fizzles out. I’m here for something that lasts~ something that connects and uplifts people, like stars across a sky.

And that belief makes all the difference.